So today is August 4th 2011. I had a job interview for Macy's on Tuesday, I worked there before during the holidays last year it sucked because it was only seasonal but working there i did make a few friends that I still talk to once in a while so that's good right? My best friend is at the fair today , I hope he is having a good time. But I do miss him a lot, I miss him actually any time we aren't together And i know he feels the same way him and I have quite a nice bond I think and we have become really close and really do love each other we get into little fights but always in the end before we go to sleep or during the day we can always say " I love you" To each other and mean it. Love you so much <3. It is suppose to be a rainy day today maybe a 30% chance of rain.. But it already started to rain.. :/ I really haven't been talking to many people.. Other than my best friend I really haven't been speaking to many people, I just don't see then need to.. Like I've said in my latest post I put up.. I don't feel the need to talk to people that are just going to try and tear apart our relationship&make fun of us&talk shit about one of us... that just won't be put up with anymore. I'd rather have him. than anyone else. I mean I don't hate everyone. I like his friends those are the people i'd rather be associated with other than people that will just treat us like shit.. It feels like it is really hott in my room. i woke up really hott for some reason don't know why.. I woke up called Arthur to see how he was doing ( I always do that out of a sign of love and care) Then i watched a little TV for a bit now i actually might go back to sleep i'm a bit tired but i figured that I would actually write a journal entry for once. I am looking forward to my birthday coming up i am going to be 21!!!! haha I am not going to have a big party, the only person that will be at my house that day maybe night.. will be Arthur, My best friend he says he is going to do something really nice for me ( Gets excited ) hopefully a lot of things go well in october.. I know close to halloween I am going to take him to the Headless horseman which is a really nice haunted house. And then in the winter close to christmas. we might go down into the city. We might have not been lucky with our plans this summer but next summer he promises it will be our summer and we will do great things together, ( CANT WAIT). Back to macy's Because it popped into my head.. I really hope I got that job come to think of it because I haven't had a decent amount of money since January :( So hopefully macy's calls me back shortly. I mean I think I did pretty well on the interview to be honest... The knew me well from the first interview I had with them.. Well, I think I am going to go back to sleep now.. really tired..
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Sunday, July 31, 2011
** The start of a new chapter**
I have given up so much.. I have been through a lot all to be with you, I love you..
Through the past year.. So much has happened both positive and negative for one.. ( the positive ). I met the most wonderful person ever we may not have started out perfect, I may have disliked you, disrespected you, made fun of you.. But then that one day I hung out with you And JUST you I fell in love. I fell in love with what we started to have. I wish I had met you much MUCH sooner. The negative part of all of this is that my friends betrayed me, back stabbed me, Misunderstood me, left me.. The first day I spent with him instantly my friends turned into something ugly. They started to leave slowly some left quicker than others but they started to leave. the people i thought loved me and respected me and promised to stick by me no matter who we met all left. I felt like a loser I felt like I was to blame for all of this bullshit and i believed that i was for a very long time. I felt like I've betrayed them. I didn't stop trying to talk to them,Just every time i did.. I felt the love was fading I didn't feel like they wanted to talk to me anymore because of him. I never betrayed them, I never wanted them to leave, I never did anything to make them leave. They just stopped....wanting to talk to me it seems. the only time i feel that they were happy with me was when I was upset with him&when him and I had a big fight, But the day after that they wanted nothing to do with me again.. Is it that these friends want me to be miserable and not feel love and happiness and compassion for someone that isn't them? Or did I really do something that horrible. I felt like it was a win or loose situation for several months either i stayed with him or i totally left him all together and went with them, because I felt like even if i hung out with them and was still friends with him. They would not think of me the same way I would not be " Important " to them I'd just be a Joke. I really don't know what happened in the past year these people were all very close now they all don't want to have one word with me. Sure I've changed.. I've matured. I found myself. I don't see why that is such a bad thing for someone to do.. maybe I really did do something wrong that will always be in my mind until the day I die. I will not stand to listen to people talk shit about him, I just won't and that's why I've changed so much I don't feel like I should interact with people that only want to make fun of him or tell me how much of a monster he is... I've stood up to my friends about this and I always feel like no matter what I said there was never any respect all they wanted was what they thought was right. Sure I a couple of times I was un-happy with him, But like always at the end of the day I can always say " I love you " to him and mean it.. I really wish that these friends understood my feelings a bit more. They say that I was never there for them and that they were always there for me, the thing is they NEVER spoke with me when i tried to help them, all they focused on was that I'm associated with " the monster " That's all they really cared about. So being told that I didn't listen to anything they say was bullshit. I remember when one of them said this during the fight i had with him ( He is not worth your time and pain, You can do better.. You are UN- happy he is lying to you about everything.) And I during that fight I never did believe that. when ever i was out with these people and he called me to see how i was they always told me to hang up the phone, I couldn't go into the bathroom with my OWN phone because they knew i was going to contact him and to be honest That's all i wanted to do. I wanted to make things right. I hated that fight so much. I cried a lot, on the phone with him and in front of my friends. one night.. Late at night,him and i talked on the phone and he said how much he missed me and wants me back. I said to him " I was waiting for you to say this" And then that very night. I went to his house and we watched movies together. The minute that they found out about this. they were very disappointed in me... one of my friends totally left me shortly after that because I " Lied to them about saying that I'll never go back with him". him and me had a few other small fights after this one. But it really only brought us closer together and love each other more and more.. Sure things may not be like what they used to be when we first met. But They are great, and improving and in my eyes they are perfect. I'm letting go of my past
the relationships, the friendships. The heartache. I am a new person as of right now.I am striving to reach my goals. I'm hopefully going to have a job really soon..
I was treated horrible in my younger years, I was lied to betrayed. I do not trust many people as of now. I don't know if i ever will again. but What I've learned is that stick by the ones you love.. I loved my friends dearly but they turned on me because of a boy. And since day 1 i met him.. I promised I'd stick by him no matter what, And i have. I choose him. maybe one day these people will come back into our lives But for now .. Him and i are starting a new chapter in our lives. We are going to follow that unicorn on the road to love.
This is a new chapter in my life.. I'm going to make the best of it. People really will continue to talk bad about us and try and split us up all the time, But we are strong and what we have will never die.
Through the past year.. So much has happened both positive and negative for one.. ( the positive ). I met the most wonderful person ever we may not have started out perfect, I may have disliked you, disrespected you, made fun of you.. But then that one day I hung out with you And JUST you I fell in love. I fell in love with what we started to have. I wish I had met you much MUCH sooner. The negative part of all of this is that my friends betrayed me, back stabbed me, Misunderstood me, left me.. The first day I spent with him instantly my friends turned into something ugly. They started to leave slowly some left quicker than others but they started to leave. the people i thought loved me and respected me and promised to stick by me no matter who we met all left. I felt like a loser I felt like I was to blame for all of this bullshit and i believed that i was for a very long time. I felt like I've betrayed them. I didn't stop trying to talk to them,Just every time i did.. I felt the love was fading I didn't feel like they wanted to talk to me anymore because of him. I never betrayed them, I never wanted them to leave, I never did anything to make them leave. They just stopped....wanting to talk to me it seems. the only time i feel that they were happy with me was when I was upset with him&when him and I had a big fight, But the day after that they wanted nothing to do with me again.. Is it that these friends want me to be miserable and not feel love and happiness and compassion for someone that isn't them? Or did I really do something that horrible. I felt like it was a win or loose situation for several months either i stayed with him or i totally left him all together and went with them, because I felt like even if i hung out with them and was still friends with him. They would not think of me the same way I would not be " Important " to them I'd just be a Joke. I really don't know what happened in the past year these people were all very close now they all don't want to have one word with me. Sure I've changed.. I've matured. I found myself. I don't see why that is such a bad thing for someone to do.. maybe I really did do something wrong that will always be in my mind until the day I die. I will not stand to listen to people talk shit about him, I just won't and that's why I've changed so much I don't feel like I should interact with people that only want to make fun of him or tell me how much of a monster he is... I've stood up to my friends about this and I always feel like no matter what I said there was never any respect all they wanted was what they thought was right. Sure I a couple of times I was un-happy with him, But like always at the end of the day I can always say " I love you " to him and mean it.. I really wish that these friends understood my feelings a bit more. They say that I was never there for them and that they were always there for me, the thing is they NEVER spoke with me when i tried to help them, all they focused on was that I'm associated with " the monster " That's all they really cared about. So being told that I didn't listen to anything they say was bullshit. I remember when one of them said this during the fight i had with him ( He is not worth your time and pain, You can do better.. You are UN- happy he is lying to you about everything.) And I during that fight I never did believe that. when ever i was out with these people and he called me to see how i was they always told me to hang up the phone, I couldn't go into the bathroom with my OWN phone because they knew i was going to contact him and to be honest That's all i wanted to do. I wanted to make things right. I hated that fight so much. I cried a lot, on the phone with him and in front of my friends. one night.. Late at night,him and i talked on the phone and he said how much he missed me and wants me back. I said to him " I was waiting for you to say this" And then that very night. I went to his house and we watched movies together. The minute that they found out about this. they were very disappointed in me... one of my friends totally left me shortly after that because I " Lied to them about saying that I'll never go back with him". him and me had a few other small fights after this one. But it really only brought us closer together and love each other more and more.. Sure things may not be like what they used to be when we first met. But They are great, and improving and in my eyes they are perfect. I'm letting go of my past
the relationships, the friendships. The heartache. I am a new person as of right now.I am striving to reach my goals. I'm hopefully going to have a job really soon..
I was treated horrible in my younger years, I was lied to betrayed. I do not trust many people as of now. I don't know if i ever will again. but What I've learned is that stick by the ones you love.. I loved my friends dearly but they turned on me because of a boy. And since day 1 i met him.. I promised I'd stick by him no matter what, And i have. I choose him. maybe one day these people will come back into our lives But for now .. Him and i are starting a new chapter in our lives. We are going to follow that unicorn on the road to love.
This is a new chapter in my life.. I'm going to make the best of it. People really will continue to talk bad about us and try and split us up all the time, But we are strong and what we have will never die.
Friday, July 8, 2011
**I PROMISE**
This was written as a promise to someone very special.. everything on here is going to be promises that i will keep forever to better our friendship.
-I promise to always respect you
- I promise to always love you
- I promise to always be your best friend.
- I promise to always stick by you through good times and bad times.
- I promise that I will never give up on you.
- I promise that I'll never let anyone talk bad about you.
- I promise to never betray you.
- I promise to always be loyal to you
- I promise to always be honest with you
- I promise never to hurt you
- I promise not to let anyone hurt you.
- I promise to always have faith in you.
- I promise not to go back and fourth from love and hate. I will always love you not hate you.
- I promise to keep my promise.
- I promise to support any decision you make
- I promise to always be in your life.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
** No matter what happens I will always be your best friend**
I know the biggest fear in our friendship is us forgetting about each other. That maybe one day our friendship won't be anymore.. Please don't worry about that. nothing can ever separate us not even a boyfriend/girlfriend. our hearts will always be together and we will always cherish our great friendship. we may have our own lives in the future.. But I know, nothing will ever stop us from being the friends we have always been.. Don't be insecure.. Nothing will ever tare me apart from you, Nobody!! If I ever do get in a relationship our friendship will always be the same and I wouldn't dare let anyone tell me differently you are too important for that. If anyone i ever became friends with or dated and they badmouthed you It would be the end of them in a heartbeat.
don't forget that ever!!!!!
don't forget that ever!!!!!
** Should I make this life change?**
I have been single for many years now; And i'm now wondering If i should make a move and officially have one of my own. I had a girlfriend back in the day that I dated for 9 almost 10 Years we started out in 5th grade, but once I moved up to where I am living now.. That relationship ended because I came out with my sexuality of being bisexual that turned her away from me. Dating her for almost 10 years could have almost been forever, I feel like we could have been together until the very end I did love her a lot.. I loved her with all my heart and sometimes I wish that I could go back and change everything. We were known as the " Perfect couple" we had a love so strong. She was truly beautiful. Even though she really doesn't like me right now, She will always in my heart. Sometimes I wonder if we really would have stayed together forever, Who knows? I could have been married or engaged.. If anything I do regret everything that has happened. I almost got her back a few years ago, But again my sexuality came in the way.. thinking about this makes me want to cry. I remember everything we used to do.. between love notes everyday, writing our own journal together of letters, making stuff for each other doing anything possible to see each other.. sometimes I feel like everything was supposed to be with her, Not with a guy.. But with her. But honestly now. I feel like that will never happen now she is just a memory that will never be forgotten.
I do want to start dating again, But i am also afraid of dating again. I am afraid of being lied to and hurt again, My best friend is worried as well. and i think to myself..
Am i ready to love again? Can i be in a life long commitment with someone? Should it be with a boy or a girl? I am happy right now.. like i have said in my past two blog posts. But i think I am almost ready to start dating again, And I know through out it all I will always have my best friend there to support and love me no matter what. And i will always do the same for him...
I do want to start dating again, But i am also afraid of dating again. I am afraid of being lied to and hurt again, My best friend is worried as well. and i think to myself..
Am i ready to love again? Can i be in a life long commitment with someone? Should it be with a boy or a girl? I am happy right now.. like i have said in my past two blog posts. But i think I am almost ready to start dating again, And I know through out it all I will always have my best friend there to support and love me no matter what. And i will always do the same for him...
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
** ETERNAL **
"Eternal
Means forever
Our love
Will be eternal
the light in your eyes
helps me realize
everything is going to be just okay
nothing feels better than eternal
nothing can measure up to my eternal love
a love should last forever
a love should be pure
a love should have faith
a love should always come from the heart
a sacred heart
A love should always be cherished
a love should always come from the heart
a sacred heart
A love should always be cherished
a love should have no boundaries
a love should not be selfish
a love should be self-less
love in my eyes
is within you
a love should be
Eternal"
** I love my life**
I love everything..
I love my best friend with all my heart.
i love my family
I have been able to accomplish so much in the past few years.
I passed High school with a certificate I met new friends
I was able to re-invent myself as a better person
nothing else can compare to the love I feel right now
I was able to really find who I really am in the past few months and i must say
I am happy with what I've become I've matured a lot but i also think that has to do with not hanging around my old friends as much, instead hanging out with my 26 year old best friend. that probably makes a big difference.
Something that still upsets me a tad is not being able to finish college
But i know for sure in the future I'll be able to go back and make a great life out of it.
I haven't worked for a few months. But I know people that haven't worked for almost 3 years and they still are happy and now have a decent job and are able to make money.
I don't hate myself anymore
I have nothing to hate myself for.
I've pushed away all the drama and bullshit and childish stuff out of my life. i just cant be involved in that high school shit anymore I'm over that. I don't want any negativity in my life. I will surround myself with positive people with positive outlooks on life that aren't jealous because I make a new friend. nothing can compare to what is happening right now.
and i don't think i could wish for anything else but what i have now.
I love my best friend with all my heart.
i love my family
I have been able to accomplish so much in the past few years.
I passed High school with a certificate I met new friends
I was able to re-invent myself as a better person
nothing else can compare to the love I feel right now
I was able to really find who I really am in the past few months and i must say
I am happy with what I've become I've matured a lot but i also think that has to do with not hanging around my old friends as much, instead hanging out with my 26 year old best friend. that probably makes a big difference.
Something that still upsets me a tad is not being able to finish college
But i know for sure in the future I'll be able to go back and make a great life out of it.
I haven't worked for a few months. But I know people that haven't worked for almost 3 years and they still are happy and now have a decent job and are able to make money.
I don't hate myself anymore
I have nothing to hate myself for.
I've pushed away all the drama and bullshit and childish stuff out of my life. i just cant be involved in that high school shit anymore I'm over that. I don't want any negativity in my life. I will surround myself with positive people with positive outlooks on life that aren't jealous because I make a new friend. nothing can compare to what is happening right now.
and i don't think i could wish for anything else but what i have now.
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