** No matter what happens I will always be your best friend**

I know the biggest fear in our friendship is us forgetting about each other. That maybe one day our friendship won't be anymore.. Please don't worry about that. nothing can ever separate us not even a boyfriend/girlfriend. our hearts will always be together and we will always cherish our great friendship.  we may have our own lives in the future.. But I know, nothing will ever stop us from being the friends we have always been.. Don't be insecure.. Nothing will ever tare me apart from you, Nobody!! If I ever do get in a relationship our friendship will always be the same and I wouldn't dare let anyone tell me differently you are too important for that. If anyone i ever became friends with or dated and they badmouthed you It would be the end of them in a heartbeat.
don't forget that ever!!!!!

** Should I make this life change?**

I have been single for many years now; And i'm now wondering If i should make a move and officially have one of my own. I had a girlfriend back in the day that I dated for 9 almost 10 Years  we started out in 5th grade, but once I moved up to where I am living now.. That relationship ended because I came out with my sexuality of being bisexual that turned her away from me. Dating her for almost 10 years  could have almost been forever, I feel like we could have been together until the very end I did love her a lot.. I loved her with all my heart and sometimes I wish that I could go back and change everything. We were known as the " Perfect couple"  we had a love so strong.  She was truly beautiful. Even though she really doesn't like me right now, She will always in my heart. Sometimes I wonder if we really would have stayed together forever, Who knows? I could have been married or engaged.. If anything I do regret everything that has happened. I almost got her back a few years ago, But again my sexuality came in the way.. thinking about this makes me want to cry. I remember everything we used to do.. between love notes everyday, writing our own journal together of letters, making stuff for each other doing anything possible to see each other.. sometimes I feel like everything was supposed to be with her, Not with a guy.. But with her. But honestly now. I feel like that will never happen now she is just a memory that will never be forgotten.
I do want to start dating again, But i am also afraid of dating again. I am afraid of being lied to and hurt again, My best friend is worried as well. and i think to myself..
Am i ready to love again? Can i be in a life long commitment with someone? Should it be with a boy or a girl? I am happy right now.. like i have said in my past two blog posts. But i think I am almost ready to start dating again, And I know through out it all I will always have my best friend there to support and love me no  matter what. And i will always do the same for him...

** ETERNAL **

"Eternal

Means forever

Our love

Will be eternal

the light in your eyes

helps me realize

everything is going to be just okay

nothing feels better than eternal

nothing can measure up to my eternal love

a love should last forever 

a love should be pure

a love should have faith
a love should always come from the heart
a sacred heart
A love should always be cherished 

a love should have no boundaries 

a love should not be selfish

a love should be self-less

love in my eyes 

is within you

a love should be 

Eternal"
 

** I love my life**

I love everything..
I love my best friend with all my heart.
i love my family
I have been able to accomplish so much in the past few years.
I passed High school with a certificate  I met new friends
I was able to re-invent myself as a better person
nothing else can compare to the love I feel right now
I was able to really find who I really am in the past few months and i must say
I am happy with what I've become I've matured a lot but i also think that has to do with not hanging around my old friends as much, instead hanging out with my 26 year old best friend. that probably makes a big difference.
Something that still upsets me a tad is not being able to finish college
But i know for sure in the future I'll be able to go back and make a great life out of it.
I haven't worked for a few months. But I know people that haven't worked for almost 3 years and they still are happy and now have a decent job and are able to make money.
I don't hate myself anymore
I  have nothing to hate myself for.
I've pushed away all the drama and bullshit and childish stuff out of my life. i just cant be involved in that high school shit anymore I'm over that. I don't want any negativity in my life. I will surround myself with positive people with positive outlooks on life that aren't jealous because I make a new friend.  nothing can compare to what is happening right now.
 and i don't think i could wish for anything else but what i have now.

** Its time to move on forward and leave the past behind**

Alright I have  come to believe that it's time to do this.. I can't keep lingering on what happened in the past I can't take out my fears that has happened in my high school years now on my future people. I was betrayed and lied and used and mind possessed by so many people but now that i am almost 21 i need to let that go. I need to realize that NOT everyone is going to fuck me over like the " Friends " I once has in the past.
I  don't know what my future holds..
But I'm hoping it's going to be a bright love fulled sucessful one.
I have a great family
and a great best friend
And hopefully I will have a great job soon
I love my life. And i always will <3

** We will never be seperated **

I will always love you through all the flaws. I will never let you down. I'll be your best friend.. I'll be a brother our friendship shall never die.. always stay pure and sacred at hearts. I love you until the end. my best friend , I will never let anything bad happen to you.

I know we have rough times and sometimes it feels too much.
Just know I love you purely and respect you.  Never will I act how i've been before. I'll always love you. I'll always have faith in you. never will you be replaced or have someone before you in my heart. You will always be number one. 
I know you don't like me talking to certain people.. I promise never to let you down and betray you let people talk bad about you.. I'll just not have that. no one can say that about the best friend that i love.
you where never a replacement of all my ex friends.. I just simply fell in love with our bond that we had and we got closer and closer. So don't think i love you just because nobody else does. my love for you is pure.
i won't talk to people that make you unhappy. and uncomfortable 
we shouldn't have to be ashamed of us.. and we shouldn't care what others think about us.. We know the truth. And it's us against the world it seems. And for me that seems pretty fine.. I hope it is the same for you also. my dear friend.


Wir werden nie getrennt sein<3
We will never be apart <3 

**Sometimes I just want to give up.... BUT I DON'T!**

Sometimes I want to give up on everything, But then sometimes I don't and I wont do that. I wont do that to my friends and family ever I would never give up on them no matter what no matter what happens I'll never give up on the people that I love the most. I don't hate anyone it's not right to hate anyone I love the people i love and nothing will ever change that!!
Never give up on your dreams;